Again, this isn't a post to try to get sympathy. It's fine. I'm fine.
But it's changed me. I still make friends. But I don't get attached. I enjoy meeting new people. I enjoy spending time with my friends. But I also don't share all of myself anymore. I'm hoping it'll help me to not be so hurt when I leave again.
I'm learning to be more self-sufficient. I don't need anyone else. I'm enough. Reading, shopping, quilting, etc ... all activities that only require that I'm there.
Birds outside our balcony entertain me occasionally.
I'll admit that I get jealous of people who have been besties since grade school. I don't have relationships like that. It would be nice, but that ship has sailed. I find that I'm sometimes too sensitive about whether people like me or not. This sort of thing never concerned me before, but in the past few years it's always on my mind.
As it stands today, my best friend is still my mom. And there's nothing wrong with that. :)
I find this rather sad, but I understand and I can relate. I talk to my parents and my sister every week on the phone, but I don't hear from most of my friends beyond a few Facebook comments. I too have thought that I must have meant very little to them for them to have forgotten me so quickly, but I guess that's just how a lot of people are. I can take equal blame for not having made more effort to keep up with them.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your thoughts here. It is impossible to stay in touch with friends overseas, unless they also put lots of effort into it, and as many of us who have lived the expat life have experienced, not many choose to do that. At this stage in our journey, having just moved back to the U.S., I am experiencing the renewal of some of my old friendships, and also the mourning of the loss of many Australian ones.
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